2010 Clash of the Titans Review

Recently I saw my first of the new gen 3D movies and a remake of a
childhood fave, Clash of the Titans. Upon originally hearing of this
update, my first thoughts were "Uh oh. Please don't let them taint
this movie the way the 80's He-Man cartoon was mocked for being
effiminate and how Rainbow Brite has mysteriously become a sex symbol
in her later years and further pushed the sales of leg warmers to a
whole new audience." Thankfully, this movie did not mock nor taint my
childhood. It, in fact, stood on it's own as an enjoyable retelling
of a classic tale...even with some thin spots.

We'll start with Perseus. Unlike the curly haired Harry Hamlin of the
days of yor, our updated hero has more of a Russle Crow in Gladiator
meets Transporter Jason Statham look. He also has a chip on his
shoulder because Hades decided to randomly fireball his adopted
family, drowning them in their own fishing boat. We'll call this "How
Perseus got his story back."

This time around, our hero winds up in Argos, instead of Joppa,
hanging out with Burgess Meredith and getting hooked up with
invisibility helm, shield, and magic sword (sword comes later in a
forest scene along with Pegasus). Perseus is brought to a very cheeky
royal gathering, that mocks the Gods and plays out the whole
"Andromeda must be sacrificed to the Kracken" set-up. This time Hades
is demanding justice for said cheekyness verses a goddess demanding
justice for her shamed son, Calibos. Oh, and now it's widely known
that Perseus is a demi-god.

Speaking of Calibos, since Perseus is the sneaky offspring of Zeus
(played by Liam Neeson aka Qui Gon Jinn) and a duped queen, the
enraged king becomes the monster. How does he get this way? Oh, a
lightening strike while tossing his murdered wife's and bastard son's
casket off a seaside cliff. It seems cursing the playful God's will
not only turn you ugly via supernatural electro bolt, but it will
also make you insanely agile and strong. Like Mr. Hyde in League of
Extrodinary Gentlemen agile and strong. Seriously, Cal 2.0 can dish
some mythic beat-down, even after his hand gets cut off. And no,
since it's a different person, there's no jealous love thing for
Andromeda like in the 80's film.

Speaking of love interests, instead of a watchful mechanical owl
keeping Perseus' back, there's a lovely and ageless demi goddess
instead. You'd THINK he'd be after the Andromeda hook-up, right?
Well, they left that in the trunk with the mechanical owl in Argos.
Also a great nod to the original Clash of the Titans that gave us a
laugh in the theatre.

We'll break for a moment to discuss the visuals and 3D. Both were
inspired and impressive. It was like watching the "in your face"
Mickey's Philharmagic with sweeping Lord of the Rings style locales.
Using things like real volcanic craters, etc, was a good way to set
up scenes that went to places in the underworld. One got a good sense
of size, scale, and awe at places like Mount Olympus and the seaside
city of Argos. Nicely done and loved the opening scenes with the
constellations especially.

Just like before, Perseus must seek the Stygian Witches to figure out
how to take down the Kraken (On a side note I'm REALLY fighting
impulses for an Ask A Ninja reference here. You know the one.)
Instead of a cave, the witches have new hand shaped digs at the top
of a creepy mountain. As my dad pointed out, it reminded one of "The
Awakening" statue near The Mall, in Washington DC. The updated
witches are bulbous, creepy, still blind, need a good dentist, and
ALARMINGLY fast and agile. Sorry old witches, but if I can out run
you, you have no power, nor does that crystal paper weight you call
The Eye. Yes, the new Eye is a big eyeball with optic nerve, ripped
out of who know's what. Altogether now: ewwwww.

Remember the giant scorpion scene where Calibos stabs the bag with
Medusa's severed head and the blood creates the monsters? Ok scratch that. When mutant king loses his hand, the dripping blood brings the scorps out of the dessert while he takes off. After some nausiating bug busting, we discover the scorpions are controlled by Ginn, aka bark-skinned Genies who are the arbor day answer to Chewbacca in this movie. We also discover that giant scorpions make some of the coolest riding mounts ever. Seriously, where can I get one of these beauties in World of Warcraft? Also, there's a very subtle ode to the giant Steampunk mech spider from Wild Wild West. Nice touch.

Now it's off to bribe The Ferryman on The River Styx to get to
Medusa's lair. (Yeah, we'll skip the band jokes too here.) I like
what they did with the new Ferryman. Imagine a very tall, lanky
skeletal figure mixed with a dead twisted tree, fused to a cross
between an Venetian gondola and a dingy from Pirate's of the
Caribbean's Flying Dutchman. Oh, and it's pulled by some very wet,
grey dead people. This isn't some hooded skeleton prop folks. This
will turn you white! If this ever came out as a detailed collector
piece, I'd buy it. Very cool concept and detail.

Time for the Medusa scene. She's still snakey, still wicked fast with
a bow, still strong enough to break stone with her tail, and still
turns guys to stone. But now, she's...pretty? Yes. And with a
slightly sexy and unnerving laugh that echos throughout her huge,
flame chasmed temple. Yes, she's pretty, until she pulls a Large
Marge when someone looks at her. Then, not so much. Even so, you feel sorry for her in a way, despite her impending fate via a modified reflective shield made from scorpion shell.

Remember Pegasus? Well, to make him (or is it her?) more edgy and
strong, Peg is now The Black Stallion...with wings. This is one
update that didn't really seem to make a difference but if you wanna
change colors on the horse, so be it. It flies. It whinnies. 'Nuff
said.

And now, the grand poobah, the Kracken, or the "Oh my God it's the
size of several city blocks, makes Godzilla look like a puppy, and
we're just plain screeeeeeeeewed!" monster. Truly, the size and scale of this beastie was cleverly coupled with the shear power and fear factor of recent weather disaster movies. It left one filled with dread and that there's nowhere to hide. Even the random hippie/zealot/Hades cultist who scalded his hand to inspire people, soiled his armor at the sight of this thing. In Southern terms, it's a big'un and a far cry from a merman with 4 arms and a long tail in the original.

To sum up, I liked this 2010 Clash of the Titans and think some of
the updates were very good. The original will always be a favorite
because I grew up with it, but the update is a worthy tale that
stands on it's own. It's also pretty impressive in 3D. Check it out
and see for yourself.